Since we’re a band, we have to sell something to make money. Music is free everywhere you go. It’s just a fact of life these days. And, while we’re so excited that you can listen to our music wherever and whenever you want, we still have to buy equipment. And musical equipment tends to be expensive.
So, we thought of things we could sell to make money as a band. We tried t-shirts, CDs, mugs, and even phone cases. But, nothing really felt like it was capturing our funny sense of humor and love of life.
After we thought about it for a while, we thought it would be fun to offer a few books about the things we joke about all the time. It all started when Vern and Amy were playing a card game one night and they spent more time laughing at the way they were dealing the cards than actually playing the game. Vern jokingly commented that he learned to deal at the Do Lollies School of Dealing and Shuffling. Since then, every bad idea gets a school named after it, such as the Do Lollies School of DMV Photography, and the Do Lollies School of Scientific Theories.
We are working on a new book called The Do Lollies School of Shopping Cart Driving. It’s so fun. It’s snarky and silly, just like us. So, I thought I’d give you a preview of the book that’s coming soon. If you want to know when it’s coming out, be sure to join our newsletter. Here’s Chapter 1:
Chapter 1: Choosing the Cart
Which Color is Best?
When it comes to shopping carts, it seems that everyone has a different opinion on the best color of shopping carts. However, after much research in choosing shopping cart colors, we have found that the best shopping carts are usually some sort of silvery metal with blue plastic handles and matching blue corner guards. When blue is not available, just choose the newest-looking cart, as it will have less chance of squeaking through the store, causing embarrassing stares from other shoppers.
Now, it may seem that color is not a very important factor when choosing a cart. You are definitely wrong in assuming this. Don’t feel bad. It’s a mistake that many beginner shopping cart drivers make. We promise not to tell anyone.
Is Blue really the best color?
Yes. It is.
What if I Don’t Like Blue?
Who doesn’t like blue? Really?
In a recent study by somebody really smart, it was found that most people’s favorite color is actually blue.
What if there’s only one color?
Well, it may seem obvious that if there’s only one color, you should choose that color. However, some people are really stupid, so we must spell it out for them. (Hopefully, you’re not one of them. That would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it?)
So, for those folks, we have to include this sentence: If there’s only one color of shopping cart available, please choose that color and move to the next step.
Avoid Trash and Flyers
While it may seem rude and terribly impolite, even… some people leave their trash (extra produce bags, flyers, tags, receipts, and even the wipes from the front of the store) in the shopping cart. Don’t ever do this. It’s rude, impolite, and even frowned upon.
But, if you see a cart full of trash, avoid taking that cart. It’s an unwritten rule that goes without saying. Nobody talks about it, but it’s looming there like an 800-pound gorilla. If you take that shopping cart, you’re settling for things you don’t want in life. This may send a message to people that they can walk all over you. Take my advice, it’s better to leave it there and choose a different cart.
Test the Wheels
The next step is to test the wheels. You don’t want to look like you’re testing the wheels, though. Take the shopping cart and pull it away from the stack. When you’re turning it around to face the proper direction for shopping, do a wide circle, so that you have enough time to detect any squeaky wheels or bumpy rides. There’s nothing worse than going through the store, squeaking loudly, and drawing attention.
Check for alignment issues
This can be done when you’re checking for wheel problems, but it can be tricky since you’re going in a circle. Try to feel if the cart is pulling in either direction. If it is, put it back immediately. It’s one thing to correct the steering when the cart is empty, but try keeping that cart straight with a full load of groceries. It’s not easy, my friend.
